A Letter From Dad?
This is a short letter I sent to both of my children who are married adults with their own challenges. My hope is that I can help others navigate their own journey as they strive to confirm their gender in a world that is not very receptive to those walking the path of transition.
To My Adult Children:
You will probably be slightly overwhelmed with questions after you read this. Do not be overwhelmed by them or any confusion they might conjure up for you. It took me 48 years to finally accept the truth of who I really am. Life might have been easier if I had come to terms with “me” earlier, but God always seems to time things much better than I do. Maybe now is not ideal for everyone, and I appreciate that, but hopefully with time all will come to understand that I am “me” whatever “me” looks like.
Do not let your mind run off down a rabbit trail yet! The external changes you have seen over the last 3 years or so are probably the extent for me. Take a breath. I have no intentions, at this point, of looking like anything other than a semi-eccentric musician.
I do not foresee any drastic changes to my daily routine. I do not plan any ceremonial name change and clothing change. However, the name change will happen very discreetly. The real good news is that I am not making any grand speech on the local town square about LGBTQ (whatever). I do not buy into that sometimes segmented, divisive, destructive, rhetoric. Having good intentions and a poor delivery equals, at best, a misunderstanding of the message some activists feel is important to deliver. I try to do everything with love and empathy.
We are all created in the image of God, and we should love and try to understand each other based on what is in the heart and not what is on the outside. All this said, I am probably as “girly” as I will ever be. If that has worked for you so far you have nothing to fear.
Understand this statement, I will ALWAYS do EVERYTHING in my power not to embarrass you, your spouse, your children, friends, or co-workers. I will always strive to blend into the fabric of society when in public. People are people, and around our town many times they are gossiping idiots as well. You cannot avoid that. Think about it really, do you respect people who gossip? Me either.
I married an exceptional person. Most people see her as loving, sweet, strong, and many other wonderful things. She is every bit of that and so much more. 31 years of marriage has taught me so much more about her. She is tough, resilient, caring, thick-skinned, thoughtful, smart, driven, private, and I could go on forever. She has walked through hell several times in her life. Some of those times were public, but many were private. All were painful. Many would have become completely broken trying to walk in her shoes. For me she is perfect (as much as possible short of Heaven). She is my rock, biggest supporter, and best friend! My goal is to love her with all my heart and lay down my life for her if I need to. I will protect her aggressively against any persecution she might face for standing beside me.
Are we happy? I believe the last year, with its ups and downs, has been our best year from a relationship standpoint. Being able to be 100% open and transparent in our relationship has helped us grow even closer after 30+ years together. I highly recommend being 100% transparent and open with your spouse. It most certainly will not be easy, but it is entirely necessary for your relationship to flourish. You will always have ups and downs, but truth is the glue that holds together committed relationships.
So, I guess it is probably becoming clearer what is going on with dad. Yes, dad. I will always be “dad” no matter what I look like to the rest of the world.
If you have questions, ask me. If you have concerns, please tell me.
I love you both. I love your families. My prayer is that you will always love me.
Dad
